Identity crisis

Aunty Katherine

People ask how I’m settling in and does it feel strange to be back. The answer is always yes and no. In some ways it feels completely normal to be here, I am so happy to be with my family once again and Tanzania seems a dream, while in other ways I miss my life in Tanzania a lot and feel out of place here. As I’ve reflected on this, I’ve realised that one of the reasons for these confused emotions is a crisis of identity. In Tanzania I had a clear identity – I had a role (Scripture Use Coordinator), a home of my own, a clear social network (through work and church) and a purpose to each day. Now who am I? I don’t have a role (maybe I could create one with a new handy acronym that sounds like some exotic language: ‘Basipakaak’ – ‘Between assignments Scripture Impact person also known as Aunty Katherine’), I don’t have a home to call my own (though my parents kindly let their home be mine), I don’t have a clear social network (my friends are scattered all over the world and UK) and I don’t have a clear purpose to each day (though I do have a long To Do list of random things).

This loss of identity leads to a very unsettled feeling, which is an inevitable part of transition. I know I will pass through it, and probably soon be wishing that I could go back to my routine-less, purpose-less days, when I have to start writing long essays and reading lots of heavy theological and missiological tomes! But until that time (and that’s yet another transition – to community college life and studying) the unsettled feeling remains.

So, if you ask me how I’m doing, and I give the polite British answer of, “Fine, thanks”, you will now understand that the real answer is much more complicated! However, hopefully this little blog will have helped you understand something of what I am really feeling. Thanks for your prayers.